Top of the Morning Negotiations

KAI: "Mom! Mom! I'm soooo full! There's no more room in my belly so I'm done with breakfast, OK? Can I have some candy now?"

ME: (thinks to self) "Boy needs a better strategy..."

KAI: Sticks his stomach out and makes me bang it like a drum to prove his point.

ME: "If your stomach is soooo full .. how is there room for candy?"

KAI: Goes off to try to think how to dig himself out and put logic to his failed reasoning...

15 minutes later...

We've moved from the candy issue to video games...

KAI: Hands me my DOOM Playstation video game case. Opens negotiations to be allowed to switch from PBS Kids, the only TV he's allowed in the morning until 10:00 when it goes off, to said violent video game that I haven't played in 15 years and don't even know where he found it, with the logic that watching Clifford is not educational.

"Mom, Clifford is not educational since it's just about a big red dog & I don't learn anything watching it."

ME: "So therefore I should allow the leap to letting you play DOOM?" (thinking privately, that he has never played it and I've got no idea how he knows what it is. Note to self. Find out how he knows about DOOM.)

KAI: "But I wants to shoot monsters! It's not scary because they're just monsters. If I was shooting people it would be scary but it's just monsters"

ME: (thinking) "Egad"

KAI: Launches in to the lack of educational value to Barney to drive his argument home...

ME: (thinking) "I gotta give him points here... "

(further tribulations as the next half hour passes)

"He's going to leave me no defense in a few years beyond, "Because I said so!" I'm not going to be able to out smart him soon. I'm in real trouble when he loses his fear factor and just starts to bypass me..."

(troubleshooting the issue ensues)

"I'm still bigger than he is...and I may have to sit on him a few times when the "because I said so" fails. Last resort is always pick him up and turn him upside down to neutralize him... Hopefully I have till he hits 16 for him to surpass 5'9"."

(final resolution)

"Yeah. By 16 I'll have regained control with Jewish mother guilt. Jewish mother guilt is ALL POWERFUL!"